This is something that I seem to be talking about a lot to various people lately… what really changes when you become a mother of two?
Not a lot if I’m honest!
I think it’s because there is nothing new. You know you’re going to sleep less, you know there will be poo explosions, a lot of delays leaving the house due to unexpected sick or poo. These things might take some getting used to at first but once there is another one if anything you’re better at it because you know what to expect!
Often mothers of one say to me that they like their lifestyle with one baby, they have a nice routine, baby is sleeping well, they have nice holidays or whatever. The thought of almost ‘ruining’ that little set up can often seem quite daunting and off putting when it comes to thinking about another baby. (However, please remember not to take it for granted and assume baby number 2 is a given!)
What actually changes?
The only thing that has noticeably changed for me as a mother of two boys compared to one cheeky little boy is I can honestly say I don’t care!
When you become a new mom, you will tell yourself that you don’t care what anybody thinks of you and you are doing everything your way but the truth of the matter is… you do care.
I will tell you how I know you care; you read baby books, you’ve signed up to Mumsnet, you’re in a breastfeeding group on Facebook, you go to Mummy mornings, you get offended by blog posts (maybe this one!), you have posted a brelfie *eye roll*.
All of these things scream – “I am looking for validation that I’m doing a good job!” “I care how society perceives me as a mother!”
Don’t get offended too easily by this or you’ll simply be proving me to be correct. I used to say I didn’t care what anybody thought of me but I read What to Expect when You’re Expecting, I got into bullshit arguments on forums. Why? Because I didn’t know what I was doing and when somebody challenged my opinion, they were challenging my confidence and not reassuring me that I’d made the right decision for Ollie.
New moms are very insecure and need a lot of reassurance. Some more than others, some need to troll other moms and get other bitches on side to prove that they are doing a better job (this happened to me with a childish breastfeeding mother). Other are more discreet and just like to rake in the social media likes as a subtle reminder that society likes (approves) of their new found mothering skills.
I honestly couldn’t care less what people think of my parenting. I do post on social media and I still blog so some insecure mothers might be loving this as a contradiction but the difference now is I don’t care what other people think, I’m not sharing for likes. Get this, I’m sharing… to share!
I have family and online blog friends that like to see our life.
People often tell me they like my blog because I challenge the way they think which I like, yes okay that might be an ego boost but when I write now, I do not edit or hold back for the benefit of people that might be offended.
Over the years I’ve learnt that your insecurities aren’t triggered by my opinion, it’s inside you and only you can deal with your perceived failures as a mother. However, many years ago I did write that if you think you’re failing then you’re not! (I’ll try and find that old post.)
One thing that you realise after being a mom for a while or when another one joins the family, is that nobody actually cares.
Nobody cares if you breastfeed or formula feed, nobody cares if you co-sleep, nobody cares if you go back to work, nobody cares if you’re an annoying mommy blogger. If they do appear to care it is only because of their own insecurities and comparing themselves to others.
So really if nobody cares, it’s best if you don’t either.