I think therefore I am…

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…a good mother. Before I go onto the topics of this blog, I would like to apologise to the people that enjoy reading my blog because the last post had an angry tone compared to my usual chilled out approach. Unfortunately I was unnecessarily criticised and I had to catch somebody out to prove a point and it worked. So now back to discussing parenting.

Ok, so I’ve always been a deep thinker and I do like a poignant quote so my inspiration for this blog is, “Cogito ergo sum.” It is more commonly known as “I think therefore I am.” It basically means, if we are able to think about our existence then that in itself proves our existence. It has made me think about what makes a ‘good’ mother. And quite simply I think being good is down to the ability to think. I think, therefore I am a good mother. The type of parent that can think about how to parent or reads about parenting, the fact that they care enough to think about it makes them good.

I think this is particularly relevant when dealing with ‘naughty’ children. Having a naughty child doesn’t make you a bad parent and by thinking about how to deal with your naughty child, the very act of thinking shows that you care and are therefore good. I don’t like to refer to anyone as a ‘bad’ parent because there is always a bigger picture but make your own mind up about this and you might see my point about thinking.

I know of a father who was informed by child care professionals that his child had been swearing during his time at nursery. His response was, “what do you expect he lives in [insert run down area, careful not to offend anyone].” I think we can agree, no thought has gone into that response. A thinking parent would think, “where has he picked up those words?” “Was he angry or sad in nursery to use aggressive words or did he use it out of context?” And would therefore care about the attitude of their child and what they are picking up on.

As you can tell from my blogs, I think so much about parenting that I write and write and write and I’m right to do this because I can express my thoughts and make sense of them and help myself to make the right decision by thinking. If we do not think about our actions we will fail to make the right decisions. You can tell who the thinkers are because they rarely make spelling or grammar mistakes and rarely show unnecessary aggression. People that have incoherent status updates, instantly respond to a text with a nasty tone or shout/complain at an innocent shop assistant, these people are not thinkers! No thought has gone into their reply. They just fly off the handle.

When children are involved it is really helpful to think before you lash out because you are their role model and your decisions with affect their life. You are more likely to regret actions that you have put no thought into. There are some parents out there that might care so much that they read and read and read and I might be able to help some people make decisions and that is worth writing for. Some people suggested I remove my blog or make it private again after the nasty comments I had but I thought about it (obviously!) and thought there are hundreds of blogs, forums and websites dedicated to parenting and parents helping each other, why should I stop writing mine?

Writing a blog doesn’t make me a know it all but it does mean that I’m willing to express and share all that I know. When somebody says or implies that I think I know it all it makes me think of my nephews. Sometimes nephew 1 can be innocently getting on with a hobby that he enjoys, let’s say drawing. Nephew 1 is just minding his own business but nephew 2 will get mad and say, “Look at him! He thinks he’s cool!” To which I always say, “No, YOU think he’s cool! He hasn’t said a word, you’re simply describing him as cool.” It is just projection. It is exactly the same when people say, “she thinks she’s knows everything about babies after 2 months.” No, actually I’ve never claimed that have I? In fact I regularly say, this is only my opinion based on my experience. So for someone to read and have that thought, thank you! You’ve interpreted my writing to be very knowledgable after just two months and find it impressive. Just like nephew 2 thinks nephew 1 is cool.

Lately I’m seeing far too much interaction on social media where people are criticising parents. Not just me but just in general and I can’t decide what is worse, parents criticising parents (what kind of message are you giving your children by being childish, judging or bullying?) or non parents (what the hell? Parents aren’t experts on parenting so non parents certainly aren’t!) The thing is, being ‘good’ is down to how you interpret a situation. For example, you could say I’m a good mom because I’m back to work already and so I’ll be able to pay my bills on time and give Ollie security through his life. Or you could say I’ve abandoned him and fob him off to his nan on a Monday morning. It’s all down to the perceivers attitude. So next time you judge a parent, assess how much you’re actually judging yourself and showing your true colours. Ok, I agree there is some shocking parenting out there but just remember it’s only a snap shot. For example, I was in the Disney store the other day and I heard a mother say to her little girl, “Are you going to stop crying?” “No.” “Well go away then!” Snap judgement – terrible mother! Bigger picture – I don’t know what the hell has led to that exchange! So I’ll just concentrate on my own life. The little girl might be crying because she’s hungry, ok the mother is not meeting her child’s needs. What if she’s crying because she’s not allowed an Elsa doll because her mom bought her two last week? Then actually, not so bad! I say this time and time again, you will be much happier if you concentrate on your own life.

As a mother it is easy to doubt yourself sometimes because you want to do everything right for your babies. Remember, just by thinking about what you’re doing, you are caring and that makes you good! Don’t let anyone suggest otherwise. I read once that taking your child to a museum doesn’t make you good but the act of thinking about taking them and wanting them to learn makes you good. It is actually irrelevant where you go, it’s the quality time and thoughts that matter!

I’m often told that I think too much, to which I reply, “No, others do not think enough!”

The pen is mightier than the sword.

If people choose to look…

Ok so one of my many sayings in life is, “if people choose to look…” Anyone that knows me well knows exactly what I mean. For anyone else I usually conclude that sentence with, “they may or may not like what they see.” I’m the sort of person that will get soaked in the rain and then get changed on the back of a coach because I don’t want to sit in wet clothes for three hours. If anyone chooses to turn their head and stare at me, that is their choice but I will not change my outlook on life because a few miserable people do not agree. Another example is, if I hear a song that I like in a shop, I’ll do a pirouette! I like dancing, I like the song, why not? Again, if somebody chooses to take time out of their day to look at my performance then I cannot be slagged off if they don’t like it. I didn’t ask you to look. Refer back to my ‘True Happiness’ blog and I think it’s most likely the miserable unhappy people that will be in a mood over my public displays. Happy people couldn’t care less if I want to dance in the street or not. If fact they’ll probably join in!

I often get my 9 year old nephew into trouble because he completely understands my “if people choose to look” philosophy and yet so many adults don’t get it.

Now the reason for this blog that is off on a tangent and not directly related to Ollie or parenting is because some people don’t like my blog, yet they are choosing to look. Taking time out of their busy lives to not only read about my wonderful life but to purposely look for things to slag me off about and then start Facebook conversations taking the piss out of me. Well done. Really proving to the world how mature you are. I have purposely blocked three people on Facebook because they have demonstrated that they don’t like me by either ignoring me, insulting me or even worse, slagging off newborn babies. If you are one of these three people – why the hell are you reading my blog? I purposely did you a favour by blocking you so you don’t have to see my life yet you have not only somehow found my blog, you are sharing the link on Facebook messenger and telling people to go and find reasons to criticise someone they’ve never met. Seriously what is wrong with you? Are you people so insecure that to make yourselves feel better about your existence you go onto some innocent persons baby blog and slag them off? I could easily get mad but you know what, I feel deeply sorry for you.

Yes, you are entitled to your opinion and I welcome other points of views on my blog. There is a difference between stumbling across a blog on a Google search or reading a friends blog and saying, oh you know what I don’t quite agree with you there… Fair enough, we all have different views. But to purposely seek out my personal blog just to make personal attacks at me when you don’t know me (and one of the people I’ve blocked has never even met me!) seriously I feel sorry for you. It is just nasty and outright rude.

If anyone is insulted by my comments on my iMom blog then you are admitting to being the person that made nasty comments about me and my baby. So instead of encouraging people to criticise me, have a good long look at yourself and you might see that you owe me an apology. If you didn’t make any comments, then it’s not referring to you is it?

I don’t really mind people insulting me, I spend a lot of time analysing human behaviour and word choice and I usually understand people better than they understand themselves but the sort of person that will slag off my baby or anyone else’s baby for that matter, I don’t want you in my life. I won’t be nasty and cause arguments on your wall or tell people the horrible things you’ve said but I just can’t associate myself with somebody that has horrific thoughts about a newborn baby. Don’t be mad with me just ignore me. I haven’t done anything wrong, I started a little online diary for my family and friends then made it public because a lot of people like it and agree with me and I’ve helped some people see sense in their lives.

It is tempting to confront the people that are being vile and nasty but I’m a nice person and I’m not aggressive and as my dad would say, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Unintelligent people fly off the handle and shout their mouth off on public forums/ places, clever people articulate themselves using words that have been thought about and written down.

If you don’t like my blog here is the solution for you… Don’t read it! That goes for everyone, not just the horrible blocked people. I do not want to cause stress to anyone’s day. I write because I love writing and a lot of people like reading and find it useful. If you don’t like, don’t worry your pretty little heads over my points of view. I am going to leave this post on my blog so when Oliver reads it when he’s older he can see that being nasty doesn’t get you anywhere. Oliver mate, when you’re old enough to read this remember, no matter what situation you find yourself in, it is NEVER better to be rude. I know you’ll be a good boy because you have a good mom and dad! Xx

iMom

Why it’s ok to have a phone and a baby at the same time…

Since I’ve had my baby I have sometimes been referred to as a ‘stupid iPhone person’, basically somebody that can’t put their phone down. I even had a bitchy comment made towards me because I posted a lot of photos on Facebook. A childish immature excuse of a woman implied that because I’ve taken photos of my child, I’m not spending time with him. The same person also made vile remarks about parents posting on Facebook, so disturbing I won’t even repeat what she said because any mother will be appalled and want to hunt her down.

After these comments were made I switched Facebook off for a week. I needed a break because I get annoyed by people making judgements on my parenting or anyone else’s parenting based on a few photos and status updates. There is always a bigger picture.

First of all, newborn babies spend 16 – 18 hours a day sleeping so are new mothers expected to… What? During that time? I spent my time cleaning, sleeping, cuddling Ollie and occasionally…. Oh my god what a shocking mother, sometimes during that time I posted cute pictures on Facebook.

Then after a chilled out week I decided that I wouldn’t let one pathetic person bother me. I know I’m a good mom and I spend plenty of time with my baby. Ollie’s grandparents live 3 hours away and I have family in Australia that like the baby updates so if one childish, jealous person can’t handle it, tough. Unfriend me if you get annoyed by cute pictures. It’s funny though because these people choose to look! Why look if you don’t like it?

I realised that when I am on my phone I am either, taking photos of my baby. This is recording his life and I’m sure he’ll be grateful one day. I love looking at my baby photos. Or when I’m online I’m usually reading parenting articles or looking in online baby shops for things to buy for Oliver. So I really don’t think any of those things makes me a bad mother.
In this day and age a phone isn’t just a phone, my phone is my bank, my supermarket, my holiday brochure – all things that help enhance family life and run a household. Me sitting on my phone setting up direct debits is no different to my 90s childhood days when I’d stand bored in a bank queue with my mom waiting patiently to go to the toy shops! Nowadays kids have to wait until mommy has clicked all the relevant buttons to pay bills and then it can be playtime. It’s not bad parenting to run a household in a modern way!

Also, some of my best childhood memories do not involve my parents at all. They involve me and my sisters being imaginative making up games while my mom got on with housework, or was chatting on the landline phone to my auntie or entertaining visitors. She wasn’t bad for interacting with other adults. These days we interact online. Its not bad to let children be a little bit independent and play on their own. Play doesn’t need constant supervision, it’s about imagination and developing social skills. (N.B. Some people have read this and assumed I leave my 2 months old alone to play, re read and you will understand I’m referring to childhood! Children do not need constant supervision to play! Stop finding excuses to criticise my parenting!