I suppose I am technically a SAHM now, although I will always see myself as a working mom because I worked full time for my first 3 years of motherhood and I see myself as a worker. This SAHM life is more life a temporary break from work rather than a lifestyle choice.
I’m the first one to say nothing is stressful when you have nothing to do. You might beg to differ on this but as a SAHM (or on maternity leave) there is nothing you have to do. The only real time constraint in life is the school or nursery run. Other than that you don’t have to answer to anyone of be anywhere for any particular time. If you’ve had a shit night, you don’t have to go to stay and play group. Your baby is poorly – don’t turn up at Mummy coffee morning. You’re sick, have a pyjama day. Nothing matters and nobody cares.
When you work, kids or no kids, you are pressured by time. If your baby is up all night crying, you’ve still got to be in work for 9am and arrive looking vaguely presentable and hoping that your baby copes through the day without you. (This could go into a rant about working mom life and family rights but I’ll leave that for now…)
But as a SAHM…
If you’re a SAHM it’s like you’re not allowed to be tired because you have nothing to do.
Okay, okay don’t troll me I know you have cleaning, baking, driving, etc to do but a working mom has all of those things to do to so I stand by there is nothing to do but because of this it’s like you have no justification to be tired.
If you’re knackered because you’ve been up all night with the kids people say things like, “Huh imagine having to go to work all day as well…” “Well I’ve been to work all day…”
Tired is Tired!
People need to realise that being tired is determined by the amount of time your head has been on a pillow asleep. Not by the number of working hours clocked up, not by the amount of housework done, not by the amount of baby groups attended.
It doesn’t matter if all I’ve done all day is sit around in pyjamas watching Loose Women, I could say all you’ve done all day is sit around in a suit watching slide shows. You don’t become more or less tired based on home or work it is based on hours slept! Some people might argue they have ‘tiring’ jobs but if you can go home and sleep it’s not an issue is it? Surely it’s only tiring if you’re lacking sleep?
This whinging post is the result of a week of having poorly Ted and then poorly Ollie which means… no sleep for anybody.
It also means even when I am asleep, I’m not really asleep because I’m scared to go into a deep sleep incase somebody is sick or sad in the night. But I’m not allowed to be tired because I haven’t been at work all day. It is almost like you need to have a list of reasons for being tired because I haven’t had to leave the house.
When I was working I never had that. In fact it was the opposite, I was constantly being told I look tired or told I must be tired based on my lifestyle. Often people would even suggest that I go and have a nap… not anymore!
I know this kind of sounds like I’m criticising Dave, I’m not, I’m writing this as a collective voice for SAHMs because I find that women often report this problem with their partners justifying ‘me time’ (bullshit phrase) because they’ve been at work. They think because they’ve been out all day, they can switch off from family life. They can’t but if they do, Moms don’t and SAHMs would be frowned upon if they wanted to switch off because they have no job to warrant a break.
As my sister says, “It’s a break from work, not from life!” Aimed at Dads who think a day off from work is justification to switch off and play games.
So that is one of the reasons it is shit being a SAHM. People need to sleep. Sleep cures everything! This is one of my theories in life, there aren’t many problems that can’t be cured with sleep. If doctors could prescribe sleep everybody would get better a lot faster.
I’ve got a headache – sleep.
I’m stressed at work – sleep.
My back is killing me – sleep.
So when your problem is, I’m completely fucked because I haven’t slept continuously for more than an hour this week (year haha) the only solution is sleep but you’re not allowed. What have you got to be tired about?
And the worst thing about it is most SAHMs don’t make the choice to be a SAHM, they’re forced into it because of childcare costs, maternity discrimination, un-operative employers, sacrificing their job to allow their partner to continue full time work and various other reasons that aren’t their choice.
Ah but if you were not forced into SAHM life, then you’d be whinging that you’re more tired – I hear you shouting at the screen. You’re missing the point if that has crossed your mind. There seems to be this thing in society that work is how we knacker ourselves out. So if you work and have kids, you’re tired because you work so it’s justified. No! You’re tired because you’re lacking sleep!
Whether you’re lacking sleep because you’ve done an AFD running pubs (my previous life) or lacking sleep because you have kids tag teaming being awake all night is irrelevant. Both lives are tiring and are allowed to be tired.
Yes I love my kids, I love time with them. I’m not saying being a SAHM or working mom is tiring, I’m saying everybody gets tired and everyone needs to sleep to function regardless of their employment status.
Tired is tired!