Help! My Baby is a Toddler!

At what point is your baby defined as a toddler? When they walk? 12 months? 18 months?
My baby was an early walker but looking at his recent behaviour, he is definitely a toddler now.

1. I live with the Andrex puppy.



He is fascinated by everything but also likes to make a complete mess.  Family home or war zone? You decide…


2. I left the house with no shoes on the other day. It was easier to put him in the car and then go and put my shoes on sitting in the drivers seat knowing he was safely strapped in.

3. There is a contact juggling ball in the bath. Why not Ollie?

4. Ollie is in charge of the gadgets now. I’m not allowed to watch anything and there is a tantrum if I want MY phone.

5. He will sit and watch something though, I can get a whole 10 minutes of sitting still out of him now. Thomas and Friends is his favourite.

6. He loves food. If he finds the rest of yesterday’s biscuit on the floor or down the side of the couch, he’ll eat it! Hey, I’d rather he eats a day old biscuit than choke on a sterilised Lego brick. (I’m not a Milton mom.)

7. I’m not allowed to pick him up anymore, “No mommy I want to run!” Running isn’t ideal at swimming Ollie.

8. He isn’t so bothered about his daytime naps but we are getting close to 12 hours through the night. He’s getting up after 8am lately. Momma does like a lie in!

9. Getting dressed is at least a two stage operation. Arms in, crawl through the tunnel and play with a toy, legs in, run off laughing then come back to have the poppers done up.

10. Despite the added madness, he just gets better everyday and it is so nice seeing a little personality develop. Definitely time to have another one I’d say…



I’m 17 weeks which is when I started blogging about being pregnant with Ollie so I’m treating my kids fairly!  Also, I’m at that ‘is she fat or pregnant?’ stage.  So I’d like to clear up, I’m not fat, there’s a baby in there!  I’m showing much earlier than I did with Ollie which I’ve heard is normal!  My uterus is no longer tight like a new balloon, its already been blown up so it’s saggy!

Once you know you can’t unsee it… πŸ˜„


Best of Worst


Hypocritical Mother.

I’ve noticed something about myself and I’m going to call it Baby Double Standards. You’ve probably got a few of your own. What I mean is, things that really wind you up when an adult does it but if a baby or small child does the exact same thing… “Awwww look! Beautiful little girl/boy!”

You will notice that I have issues with human sound, I think it’s called misophonia. It’s a genuine condition so most of these will be sound related.

  1. Snoring. I have been known to attack a snoring adult. Ask my sister or partner. I hate snoring. I feel like I could cause some serious injury and not feel guilty. Ollie snores so loud I hear it on the baby monitor and what do I do, “Aww his little snoring is cute.” 
  2. Sleeping in public. I am a very calm person which comes in handy after 11 years working in bars. I rarely ‘throw people out’ but if you nod off at my bar the door staff are coming for you. No aggression but you are leaving. One guy once said, “I’m tired!” That’s nice but thats what beds are for! Just go home. When someone falls asleep on the bus I want to punch them. Babies falling asleep in random places… Ah look take a picture! 
  3. Eating. Lip smacking, loud swallowing, generally looking vile and making a mess… Eurgh get away. What do I say every meal time? “I love the way Ollie eats!” He has the cutest little gulp. This one is double hypocritical because I make a right mess when I eat, I demolish about 6 napkins every meal! 
  4. Getting feet out. Keep your scabby hairy toes tucked away! Feet are so ugly. I hate feet. Baby feet… I can kiss all day long! My blog logo is feet, feel free to talk behind my back about my hypocritical ways. πŸ˜„
  5. Crying. I don’t mean all types of crying but you know that friend that always cries on every night out? (I don’t have one but I see loads!)  So annoying. You’re crying for attention… Go home love! If somebody dares to say babies cry for attention seeking I’ll go off on one and probably write a blog about why they’re wrong. 
  6. Sneezing. When people have sneezing fits in public and then do that brief pause as if waiting for someone to ‘bless them’ or offer what? Some kind of support? Do you need tissues or a piriton? Nobody cares, continue your day. Baby sneezing… “Oh dear! Woo! You ok mate? Yay all better now!” Quick get him a tissue, the soft ones and maybe the calpol he might be getting a cold!

Any others that I’ve missed? What are your baby double standards? 

Ollie selfie! πŸ˜ƒ
Friday Frolics

Does Anybody Read my Blog?

I write a lot… A lot of rubbish most of the time just rambling on about how I’m going to save the world one blog post at a time. I also write a lot of really cute, interesting stuff about Ollie. The problem is, I write so much that there aren’t many parenting topics that I haven’t covered so if I get into a conversation with somebody I often quote my own blogs and I’m never sure if they’ve already read the blog and are thinking, “you’ve already said that you idiot!” Or if they just think I’m making valid contributions to the conversations. 

However, if I am talking to somebody that I’m close to and assume that they’ve read my blog and then they bring up a topic that I’ve already written about, I’ll often say, “Does anybody read my blog β€½” 

It might sound a bit bratty but in my head it’s really funny, so if I ever say it to you imagine it in this voice. 

Sometimes I say, “I wanna be a writer!” Which might be perceived as deluded or overly ambitious but again I find it hilarious because I say it in this voice. I can’t find the actual clip but it’s Vada Sultenfuss when she turns up at the adult writing class. 

And my final silly saying, if I get a new like or follower I say, “We have a new member!” Again, I find myself hilarious because in my head it’s this voice. 

So luckily, I don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur and believe everyone should read my blog, I just have a very active mind and have inside jokes… With myself. 

Does anybody else have any silly inner jokes?