Cousin Twins.

If you don’t know me personally but follow my blogs, one thing I haven’t talked about it that Stevie was going to be a cousin twin! It’s a rare type of twin that is created by two sisters being pregnant at exactly the same time.

My younger sister was exactly as pregnant as me! Well, my due date was the day before hers.

She told everyone she was pregnant early on but I kept it a secret until I’d heard the heartbeat because I was worried after Baby Tutu.  When I’d heard the heartbeat I got my scan picture and put it behind hers and said, “Ah look theres another one behind it!” And then I pulled my scan out from behind and said, “Cousin twins!” They were going to be little mates.

As you know, my Baby Stevie didn’t make it but her little cousin twin was born today! Monday 18th January 2016. Little baby Connor.

I told my sister a while ago that I wasn’t going to go to the hospital because it would just be weird going around my due date and coming out with no baby.  Well, the labour wasn’t very simple.  I won’t go into too much detail because it’s her story to tell. (She can guest post for me if she wants!) My mom rang me and she was really sad, I just said to Dave, ‘I’ve got to go to hospital.” I left and just turned up.

I had to walk past Stevie’s delivery room a few times but I think it’s unfair to constantly combine the two pregnancies.  Yes it would have been really cute if they were cousin twins but one twin didn’t make it.  The other one is still special!

Some people might think it’s hard for me to see a newborn on my due date but actually, it’s not. It’s not more sad because my sister has a baby. It’s sad because my baby died. That’s sad enough. I wouldn’t be any less sad now if my sister never had a baby.

It’s a stupid thing to think really… When my nan died nobody thought it would be awkward for me to see that other people have Nan’s!

I want my baby. I don’t look at other babies and feel any sort of hostility. I don’t want that baby. He is really mega cute but he’s not my baby. I don’t want to steal him, I’m not jealous because I want my baby and nobody has her so there is nobody to resent.

Yes I am proud to be different!
Yes I am proud to be different!

We’ve got another boy! My mom had three girls and we’ve all had boys! My older sister has Jake and Tom, I’ve got Ollie and now my younger sister has little Connor! I hope Ollie is nice to him, he might get jealous if Nanny holds the baby. Or if I do! I suppose it’s good practice for him in case I ever get pregnant again.

Please don’t feel you have to be sensitive around me because of Connor.  If you want to be sensitive, be sensitive because two of my babies died. Not because you think I can’t cope with my sister having a baby.

Remember, I’m Wonder Woman and I keep dancing…

...And there's another Billy Elliot foot right there!
…And there’s another Billy Elliot foot right there!
  • Emma Amoscato

    What an inspiring post. Your sister and nephew are lucky to have you. Keep dancing x