When I decided to publish a blog about my personal life, I was prepared for people to hate me. However, after almost eleven years working in bars I knew that I really wouldn’t care if anyone decided to hate me.
Every time I train a new member of staff one of my most poignant messages is, “It’s not personal!” Occasionally you will encounter somebody that instantly dislikes you for a stupid reason, generally because they don’t get their own way or they can’t see past their own opinion. I’ll give an example, a few Saturday’s ago a middle aged female customer requested a refund for her entry fee. I explained that entry fees are non-refundable. The clue is in the title, ENTRY fee, once you’ve entered the transaction has taken place, I’m not asking you to leave, you are choosing to leave just as you chose to come in. She proceeded to insult every single customer in the club. Clearly, that is not personal as she doesn’t know anybody in the club and they are not involved in our discussion.
My failure to give into her resulted in a rant slagging off everything about me, I’m a shit manager, I’m ugly, my nose is too big, my eyes are horrible… etc. you get the idea, simple insults that are not personal.
She just looked silly, while I stood there calmly nodding my head agreeing with her. It drives people nuts when you agree with an insult! Picture this: “Your club is crap!” Me, really calm, “I know, I’ve only won five awards.” Her, “Your teeth are horrible.” Me, again calm, “I know, that’s why I wore a brace for 4 years.” As she stormed out I followed her and stood at the door waving goodbye.
The purpose of sharing this little anecdote is, the attack wasn’t personal. Yes, she threw some nasty words my way. She would have said nasty words to whoever dealt with her ‘complaint’. How can it be personal when she doesn’t know me personally?
Similar sorts of rants occur when somebody writes a blog that you can’t process because it is outside your opinion. At first, it can be quite damaging when random strangers completely dig into you calling you vile names that really should be censored.
To all the bloggers out there… It’s not personal! To anyone really, when somebody insults you they usually stem from jealously or inability to grasp the concept that other peoples opinions differ to theirs. Don’t take insulting comments personally if they come from somebody that doesn’t know you personally. I’m all for online discussions, I often get involved in them but I would NEVER call somebody crap, clueless or judgemental because the irony is, anyone willing to post that sort of thing is actually insulting themselves! They are crap, clueless and judgemental to think it is acceptable to attack people they don’t know!
1. You prove my point! Anyone that criticises me when they don’t know me simply prove that they can’t grasp the fact that my opinion differs to theirs. This applies to blogging or just day to day life. I don’t claim to agree with every blog I read or person I meet but I will always accept that there is a bigger picture and I don’t know what has happened in their life to lead to that opinion so I wouldn’t launch an attack at them.
2. You inspire me to keep writing. When I was a kid I was bullied about my voice, I needed speech therapy and didn’t have a clear voice. I was always more comfortable writing, writing became my voice so even if my teachers didn’t quite get every word I said they certainly understood every word I wrote. I’m not about to be bullied by online haters! I will keep writing because writing is my voice! Everybody doesn’t need to listen but you can choose to listen! I’m standing up for my inner child!
3. You give me extra homework. I used to love maths in secondary school, I was a bit of a geek and used to ask my teacher for extra homework. Now, I love analysing human behaviour so when somebody lashes out I try to psycho analyse them and decided what sort of childhood they had, if they’ve had their heartbroken or how many siblings they have. I wouldn’t tell them my deductions it’s just a bit of geeky fun!
4. You highlight the strengths in my personality. I know that I’m strong and mature enough to not get offended by a childish rant. I was a ranter in my early twenties, it was simply because I didn’t have enough life experience to process certain information. I often have the thought, “You need to grow up” when I read nasty comments (not just aimed at me by the way, I’m talking about the internet in general and how rude people can be) then I instantly retract my inner comment and correct myself, “No, you WILL grow up.” Give them time and when they’re nearly 30 they’ll can look back and think, “My god I was a complete idiot!”
5. You are good for my stats! Statistics don’t know if you love me or hate me, it’s just traffic to my blog! If it gets really popular I can be a full time blogger. 🙂