Why is there so much drama in the news about delivery room audiences lately? It’s turning into a bit of a nursery rhyme isn’t it… In came the doctor, in came the nurse, in came the lady with the alligator purse! “Who do we know with an alligator purse?” “I dunno but everyone else is here one more won’t hurt!”
I had Dave, my mom, a midwife and a student midwife and that was just right!
So I thought I’d have my say on it and men, click away because you might not like this! I’m sorry but it is 100% up to the mother. If she doesn’t want you there… Get out! Some men are bloody useless, just watch One Born Every Minute for some examples. Yes it is your baby as well but it’s her body. You’re not planning out wedding invites, it doesn’t need to be even. There’s none of this, “If your mom is going to be there, then my mom is coming.”
For most women, their mom is always there! Women are always hanging out with their mom, on an average week I see my mom every Sunday and Monday. She has been there my whole life. It is very childish and selfish to think that it’s ok for all the grandparents to gather round and to be quite honest, when I hear that men have said they want their mom there it makes me assume they have an issue with their mother in law. Like they just have to get one up because there’s no need. If they need support from their mom, first of all man up you just have to sit there and try and stay awake and if something goes wrong and you need support, it’s not far to go and speak to them in the waiting room.
I’m not talking about me by the way, my in laws live in Clacton, they drove up as soon as I was in labour and waited outside to meet Ollie. My mom was in the room and I think it is a good thing for the mothers mom to be in the room, simply because they know your whole life and should there be any complications my mom is going to be much more useful answering any medical history questions. Dave knows me pretty well but he is not going to know as much as my mom because she knows my whole life so she’s good to have around. And you know how moms ‘just know’ if you’re not right… I was ridiculously sweaty in labour and she knew something was going wrong. Had that been my younger sister she wouldn’t have been as concerned because she’s always sweating (sorry Child but you sweated in New York and it was minus 5!)
Dave was wonderful and I wouldn’t swap my mom for him but men need to understand it’s not a case of let’s invite even numbers to witness the birth. It’s not a performance it’s often a very long process and doesn’t need an audience. If the mother wants all her friends and family there that’s fine but it doesn’t mean the dad gets to invite everybody. My sister was around for a lot of my labour and she was really helpful. It doesn’t mean Dave’s brother gets to hang out and rub my back just so it’s fair.
I know this post is very much moaning about men, there are some women that might be happy having the in laws there. That’s fine, just please don’t assume because her mom is there she won’t mind yours because it’s just not the same.
Also men have got to ask themselves, are you sure you mom actually wants to be there? Do they want to sleep on crappy hospital chairs if it takes a while? Do they want to see waters exploding? (Mine really did explode, I thought I had diarhoerra!) Do they want to be blocking the door during the vital minutes where there is a chance you might be stripped off and rushed to emergency surgery? Do they want to see you in pain and just be hovering being no use?
The chances are, no! I don’t think there are a lot of your friends and family that really want to see all that! They want to see the baby! Let them wait in the waiting room until it’s time!
So please men, when inviting everybody round as if it’s a casual BBQ please consider if they actually want to be there but more importantly please consider if your partner wants or needs them there.