“Got to Keep on Dancing…

…Keep on Dancing!”

That’s a line from a 70’s classic! It’s also a bit of a motto for me. I always said that if I ever write an autobiography it would be called, “I Haven’t Stopped Dancing Yet!” (Also a 70’s classic!) It is a literal and metaphorical motto.  I do love to dance.  I’m the twat you see pirouetting down the aisles in Tesco. I’m that twat that was always on the podium in Walkabout.  I danced in front of the castle with Ollie in Disneyland. And I’m that awful person that sits next to you in the theatre and dances in my seat.  I literally love to dance!

It is also a state of mind for me and it means two things.

  1. You’ve got to keep going. No matter what!  When you are in a metaphorical routine you see it through until the curtain closes. If something goes wrong you can’t just walk off stage. Flashback to my performance when I was 15, proper lol! My ballet shoe ribbons came undone and I kept going. The principal was in the wings silently shouting (yes that’s a thing for dance teachers in the wings) “Kick it off! Kick it off!” I just kept going.  Then for even more lol’s our prop nearly fell off stage.  I kept on dancing, kept on dancing!
  2. Keep being you! Keep on doing something that you love. No matter what crap life throws at you, keep being you. If you lose you then what’s the point? It’s easy to go through a rough patch and just give things up one by one but I think that makes the situation worse.

I’ve been going to my ballet classes for six years now and my ballet teacher has helped me by not helping me at all.  Sometimes people help you because they see you’re in a mood and try and cheer you up which is really nice.  However, I think there’s something extra special about somebody who doesn’t know what goes on outside of class but helps you anyway just by doing what they love and helping you continue something you love.

I started doing the rehearsals for the ballet show early on in 2015.  When I found out I was pregnant, I felt really guilty but I had to drop out.  My due date was a week and a half after the show so it was too risky!  I would’ve either been heavily pregnant or in labour and dropped out last minute so I had to drop out but I was a little understudy and I filled the gaps when people were missing from rehearsals.

When I lost little baby Stevie one of the first things that popped into my head was, “I want to be in the ballet show!”

I wanted to keep on dancing, keep on dancing! 

I wanted to Choose to be Happy and not just become an emotional mess.

I messaged my teacher and told her what had happened and asked if I could be in and she didn’t know if there would be room for me.  I was genuinely gutted. I wanted something to look forward to and work on.

Then on the day I’d found out that Stevie was a girl, she messaged me and said somebody had dropped out and I could be back in! It was really good timing because my little girl would have been a ballerina so it was like I could dance for her.  If you want some extra symbolism, our dance scene was ‘In Mourning’ we mourned Aurora in Sleeping Beauty.

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My little Stevie is now a Sleeping Beauty so it has a special little meaning.

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Thank you to my dance teacher for giving me the chance to keep on dancing!