I’ve noticed something about myself and I’m going to call it Baby Double Standards. You’ve probably got a few of your own. What I mean is, things that really wind you up when an adult does it but if a baby or small child does the exact same thing… “Awwww look! Beautiful little girl/boy!”
You will notice that I have issues with human sound, I think it’s called misophonia. It’s a genuine condition so most of these will be sound related.
- Snoring. I have been known to attack a snoring adult. Ask my sister or partner. I hate snoring. I feel like I could cause some serious injury and not feel guilty. Ollie snores so loud I hear it on the baby monitor and what do I do, “Aww his little snoring is cute.”
- Sleeping in public. I am a very calm person which comes in handy after 11 years working in bars. I rarely ‘throw people out’ but if you nod off at my bar the door staff are coming for you. No aggression but you are leaving. One guy once said, “I’m tired!” That’s nice but thats what beds are for! Just go home. When someone falls asleep on the bus I want to punch them. Babies falling asleep in random places… Ah look take a picture!
- Eating. Lip smacking, loud swallowing, generally looking vile and making a mess… Eurgh get away. What do I say every meal time? “I love the way Ollie eats!” He has the cutest little gulp. This one is double hypocritical because I make a right mess when I eat, I demolish about 6 napkins every meal!
- Getting feet out. Keep your scabby hairy toes tucked away! Feet are so ugly. I hate feet. Baby feet… I can kiss all day long! My blog logo is feet, feel free to talk behind my back about my hypocritical ways. 😄
- Crying. I don’t mean all types of crying but you know that friend that always cries on every night out? (I don’t have one but I see loads!) So annoying. You’re crying for attention… Go home love! If somebody dares to say babies cry for attention seeking I’ll go off on one and probably write a blog about why they’re wrong.
- Sneezing. When people have sneezing fits in public and then do that brief pause as if waiting for someone to ‘bless them’ or offer what? Some kind of support? Do you need tissues or a piriton? Nobody cares, continue your day. Baby sneezing… “Oh dear! Woo! You ok mate? Yay all better now!” Quick get him a tissue, the soft ones and maybe the calpol he might be getting a cold!
Any others that I’ve missed? What are your baby double standards?