I have been to see the bereavement midwife today to arrange a burial for little Stevie. When I originally went in I thought I’d want a cremation but then she said if we have a burial then it would be at my local cemetery which might as well be in my back garden, it is so close to my house. Once she said that I changed my mind and quite like the thought of bringing little Stevie home (this area is my home).
I think it would be nice to just be able to walk up there when I tell Ollie all about little Stevie or to just sit there on Stevie’s little birthday.
We’re not religious so I don’t want a formal or traditional burial with the whole service and spouting crap about God. She said I don’t have to be there but I think I do want to go. I’m not going to invite other people but I think I’d like to go.
I also found out that little Stevie was actually little Stephanie. It has made me feel like I’ve had another loss because now I know I’ve lost my little daughter. My little ballerina!
The midwife said we can personalise the burial by having a reading or a song. I don’t think I could do a reading, I could write the most wonderful reading but I wouldn’t be able to read it out. So I was thinking what song could I play? Mine and Ollie’s song is ‘Where is Love’ from Oliver! It’s about Oliver wondering where his mom is so I used to sing it when he visited me in hospital so he didn’t have to wonder where his Mommy is. (And the obvious Oliver reference!) Ever since then it’s been his lullaby.
I was considering that but then ‘My Girl’ came on the radio when I was driving home from the hospital so now that’s my song for my girl Stephanie and that’s what I’m going to play at her burial.
Also, My Girl is one of my top 5 favourite films. I always cry when Vada says, “Where are his glasses? He can’t see without his glasses!”
And I could actually create a reading from that song…
“I don’t need no money, fortune or fame.
I’ve got all the riches baby, one man can claim.”
Isn’t that a perfect summary for motherhood?