Tales From MommaBoss – Another Shit on the Wall.

I promised some MommaBoss horror stories for the end of Blogtober so here they are! I’m going to try and word play an old song into the title I have a couple planned out already.

#SpoilerAlert – the majority of these stories contain bodily fluids, not for the weak stomached or faint hearted lol…

Enter if you dare.

This is how I imagine introducing these stories…


The Tale of the Shit on the Wall…

I was a nightclub manager for several years in my 20’s and part of my job was to spend some time on the front door with the door staff, making sure IDs were being checked and greeting customers and helping party bookings.

In the early years I could get away with being on the door most of the night because it was always busy and there was always a queue so I’d have the final say on one in one out or stopping entry.

 

As most people probably know, one of the rules of nightclubs is that if you’re too pissed you’re not allowed in.  It is all social responsibility, as a respectable license I have a duty to society to ensure nobody gets completed wankered and dies… quite a tough task (and thats just on staff nights out haha).

 

On this one particular evening, I feel like it was summer but could be misremembering, a female presented herself at my front door.  She was hammered.  Not like, bosses discretion are we going to give her a chance, not have a chat with her mate and look after her.  Off her face.

Like, face dropped, slurring words, didn’t know what day it was drunk.  To make matters worse, she was on her own so trying to reason with her was hardworking.  Typically you have a mate ushering them away to avoid conflict.

We were actually quite shocked by how drunk she was, in fact quite concerned about how she had got to this state. Had she been in my club I would’ve been more involved and found her friends or checked cameras etc but as she’d just appeared, there wasn’t much we could do.

The police tend to just move them on as ‘too drunk’. So all we could do was deny entry and advise she gets in a taxi and goes home.

She wandered off down the road and we hoped for the best.

Some time later, maybe half hour, she reappeared completely oblivious to our previous encounter.  Absolutely no recollection of what had occurred a short time ago.

We advised her to call her friends or get a taxi home.  So she sat down on the little wall outside and attempted to call somebody.

All of a sudden myself and the door staff had this really strong smell of shit.  We were looking around and couldn’t work out where the smell was coming from.

Then this poor woman got up off the wall…

Leaving a stain on the wall as she toddled off down the street.  Wearing a white dress.

I felt sorry for her, in all my years I’ve never been so drunk that I’m unaware of a bowel movement.  I ran inside and came back with a bucket of hot soapy water.  That was my first and last shit on the wall experience.