I promised some MommaBoss horror stories for the end of Blogtober so here they are! I’m going to try and word play an old song into the title I have a couple planned out already.
#SpoilerAlert – the majority of these stories contain bodily fluids, not for the weak stomached or faint hearted lol…
Enter if you dare.
This is how I imagine introducing these stories…
The Tale of Doing a Whitney…
Ok, this one isn’t actually a horror story but it could’ve been! It is just actually quite hilarious.
Working for pub companies is quite dangerous territory because there is always easy access to alcohol. Every member of staff will claim that at some point they’ve been an ‘alcoholic’. If a team member claims they don’t drink, two weeks later they’re jagerbomb Queen.
Even worse than the team nights out getting drunk with the regulars, company nights out!
Once you become a manager there are several opportunities to get hammered, for free. We either drink in our own pubs so it’s all paid for by the company or suppliers love us and are willing to attend our conferences and dish out free alcohol because we buy so much all year round.
All the times that I’ve been completely hammered, have been company nights out where I have spent zero pence.
A few years ago, I was invited to a ‘corporate dinner’ (makes it sound posh and sophisticated). So all is fine with the dinner but then the free drinks start literally pouring in.
I am the type of person that will speak honestly but after a drink or 23 this is amplified and I have no barrier. On this particular night I followed the director around trying to pimp myself out as his PA. I was saying that I’d be a wonderful PA and I wanted a corporate role.
He was ok about it in all fairness. I was quite annoying but he mostly just laughed at me and agreed that I was good at my job.
By the time an unknown amount of time had passed I somehow made the smart decision that it was time to stumble back to my hotel. And stumble I did. This episode is a blur but I know I spent some time sitting on the beach and when I returned to the room I decided to have a bath and ring Dave.
He was shouting down the phone telling me not to have a bath because I’ll ‘do a Whitney’ and die in the bath if I pass out because I was completely bladdered. Whilst I was in the bath I dropped the phone so Dave thought I’d died.
I survived the episode but somebody came into my room that night because my award was on the desk the next day! And there was a perfectly circular brown stain on my pillow that looked like diet coke. Maybe I’d been sick but I don’t understand why it was a perfect circle…